Liamber Alert

rotten neighbor

2007-08-23T16:38:00.000-07:00

someone apparently read my brain and started up the greatest website of all time, rottenneighbor.com. Go there and share, help a muthafucka out.

BTW, I am currently building out a new blog, its gonna be amazing, stay tuned faithful readers.

wedding

2007-07-26T00:45:00.000-07:00

no, not gonna be writing about my own wedding.......been out of touch lately, been working a lot and have not had a chance to point at as many things as I normally would have liked. This past weekend I flew back to the east coast for Shannon's friends wedding. I flew into JFK early on Friday morning, hopped on the LIRR out to Stony Brook, had a nice little breakfast with my mom and then tried to catch a few z's. When I woke up I went to a little deli near my parents house and got a roast beef sub, wow, I miss good deli sandwiches, that is something that San Diego just does not have, good deli's. I went out for a few beers with an old friend that night, then it was up at the crack of dawn for the long drive up to New Hampshire with my folks for the long awaited meeting of the Mbuthia-Chapman families. They seemed to get along really well, which Shannon and I were just thrilled about. We even had time to slip out and go see an old roommate from college who is living and working in Manchester, the next town over from Londonderry where the Chapman's live. Sunday morning we woke up and had a great breakfast in the backyard, then it was off to Ipswich, Massachusetts for Shannon and I for Sarah & Cliff's wedding.......the ceremony was really interesting, Sarah is Russian Orthodox, so the ceremony was at her respective Church.....during their weddings you stand the entire time, a nice little twist, the Church itself was old and quaint, one thing that I just cannot get over is the rich and long history that is everywhere in Massachusetts, history is something that San Diego doesn't have a lot of as well.....the B&B we stayed at in Ipswich was across the street from a Civil War monument erected in 1871 for the towns residents who had perished during the war. The reception was a lot of fun, and I was more than happy to get a chance to really get to know some of Shannon's closest friends, I have heard so much about them all these years, and to actually talk and get to know them for myself was a real treat. After some late night wine guzzling after the reception back at the B&B, it was off to bed only to awaken early the next morning to catch my flight back here to San Diego. All in all it was a great trip, I have really gotten to appreciate weddings more and more as my own is fast approaching......lest I forget, big-ups to Jed from work, his wedding was July 13th here in San Diego, him and Shannon (not my Shannon) make a wonderful couple, again the ceremony was great and the reception was loads of fun, so congrats to all the newlyweds, and I promise I will get back to pointing at things pronto.

My dog is confused

2007-07-06T22:33:00.001-07:00

Some of you have met my hyperactive pooch named Lucy, she is a 4 year old Black Lab/Boxer who is faster than an dog known to man, but what some of you may not know is that Lucy has severe identity issues. My sweet pup will often pee like a male dog, meaning, she will lift her leg to urinate, I have no idea why she does this, maybe she is a lesbian. She also hates it when any dogs try to get on her back to have a little friendly hump action, which isn't a big deal, but she will then get on the same dog and hump it like it's got the answers she craves. The humping issue clearly can be taken as a dominance issue, which is why most dogs hump in the first place, buuuut you don't see too many female dogs hump as feverishly as she does.

Lately, Lucy has been sitting on the back of chairs like cats often do. Shannon and I don't really care, but I am concerned that my dog now believes that she is a cat, look below:

WTF??!!1??

2007-06-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

Last weekend , I went out on Saturday night with a few of my buddies in PB, a few minutes after I left, Shannon took Lucy out to pee and found this note on our door:
The note reads:

Bernard,

Stop destroying marriages and committing sin, God is watching and don't you think you will ever be free from what you have done to my family. One day we will face each other. God bless.

Now as some of you may know, my name is Liam, I live with my fiancee Shannon, and we have a dog named Lucy. I do not know anyone named Bernard, but I do know a Gerard, so maybe they are now interchangeable. Whatever this guy did in the past must be pretty bad for this unknown person to leave this ridiculous note on our door. Our neighbors, all of whom have lived in this condo complex for a several years, told us that there was never anyone living here named Bernard, and for good measure, there have been no Gerard's either.

If anyone reading this knows someone named Bernard who is breaking up marriages, please ask him to stop. If your name is Bernard and you are banging a married lady, please update her spouse of your new address.

You know who might be a Bernard? This guy:

Beer Fest

2007-06-17T22:52:00.000-07:00

Shannon and I recently received the above named film from Netflix the other day, I had honestly forgotten that I had it in my queue. I was pretty excited to watch it since I am a huge fan of the Broken Lizard guys, well, I am a huge fan of Super Troopers, their other movies were nothing to write home about. So the movie gets here and I am pretty excited to watch it, I haven't seen a decent comedy in a while and I have been letting Netflix get the best of me, I keep the movies for too damn long so my instead of abusing the system, i am allowing it to abuse me. Shannon refused to watch it with me since she had begun to watch it the last time she was back In New Hampshire with her dad and they both ended up falling asleep during it, and she is as big of a fan of comedies as I am, so the fact that the movie allowed her to doze off was a bad sign.

So I had to watch the movie one late night after Shannon had gone off to bed.....it started off well enough, then quickly went downhill. I was able to stay awake for the duration of the film, but more than a few times I pondered turning it off and just sending it back, but I pushed on. When the movie finally ended, I felt as though someone had broken into my home, cut open my brain, and sprinkled dumb powder all over it, then forgot to stitch it back up, so my head was open, my brain exposed, and was oozing mind fluid and dumb powder. I expect more from the guys who made Super Troopers, that movie is a classic and will always be on of my favorites, but what the fuck are the boys of Broken Lizard trying to pull? Honestly, I have no budget with which to make a major motion picture, but I could hire a few retards from the local "special house" and let them run around for a few hours and have a film that is both more creative and funnier. Huge disappointment, not all movies are gonna bring the funny like Super Troopers, but this was not even in the same mold, it's like some evil alien came in and write this film and threatened the guys to make it or else they would destroy our planet. The scenes were so forced, the laughs were visible a mile away, you could see everything coming 10 minutes before it actually did.

I have not written off the geniuses of Broken Lizard, but I have put them on probation.....If any of you are thinking about watching Beer Fest, do yourself a favor and go take a $5 bill and burn it, it will save time and the end result will be the same.

Rehab

2007-05-31T22:12:00.000-07:00

A lot of media attention lately has been given to the young Hollywood starlets who are seemingly bottoming out at a record pace. The stories are bouncing between Brittney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, CNN and Reuters are now covering their downward spiral, and while I respect most news outlets, the stories they are covering are pretty lame. If we are so mystified by the daily mistakes that the pretty and privileged kids in Hollywood make, then we should turn to E! News, not CNN, but I am assuming that viewers have made enough of a stink to these accredited media outlets that they had no choice but to give in and give the people what they want; daily tabloid fodder ahead of the real news. Me blogging about it isn't helping, so I am going to stop right now.

dancing with the stars

2007-05-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

This evening after dining on a remarkable din din of Turkey Stromboli from Trader Joe's, Shannon and I lazily sat in the living room channel surfing and we came across ABC's Dancing With The Stars. I have never watched this show as I don't care to watch people dancing, but since this was the final episode, we decided to tune in for a little bit. Being an avid reader of Andy Denhart's "Reality Blurred" blog, I am always kept up to snuff on the latest reality shows and the hi jinx they bring, so I was well aware that Mario Lopez, aka AC Slater, was a former contestant on this show who ended up dating his dance partner.......before I would say that was quite the scandal, but after seeing a little bit of this show tonight, I think the exact opposite. Any style of dancing is overly sensual and has sexual overtones in every hip shake and mule kick, it oozes sex and quite honestly gives you a full-on view of what that person is like when the shades are drawn and the clothes come off, it is one of the simplest mating rituals known to man. Think about it, anytime you go out and see a guy dancing who seems to know what he is doing, the ladies hang on them like undie fuzz to my sack in the morning, they are never leaving alone when the night ends......the same goes for girls only not as obvious, guys swarm girls in any setting so it's not as noticeable. Watching Apollo Anton Ohno and Joey Fatone strut their stuff tonight with their amazingly trampy hot dance partners, I could not shake the idea that they must be humping each other like crazy. I do not know if either man is in a relationship, but they spend hours a day dancing, caressing, sweating and talking with each other, boners must arise every now and again.....I am a one woman guy and always will be, but I would be lying if I said that if some slutty hot girl with rhythm was rubbing her hindquarters in my crotch for a few hours each day, that I wouldn't be turned on. Mario Lopez was not the exception, he should have been the rule, when these guys get paired up with their dance partners, their first exercise should be baby-making practice followed by a turkey sandwich and chocolate milk, just get that part out of the way and the rest should fall into place naturally. Once you have had sex with someone, which I have, MULTIPLE times, you are more comfy around them, you don't worry about accidentally grazing their boobs while doing the tango, or putting your hand in the yo-yo zone when lifting them over your head, you have already been nakedly awkward with them naked, so a little touch here and a little tap there are no big deal.

Of course, you can't talk about dancing without mentioning the greatest dancer of our time.....I took this pic while I was up in LA at the OnHollywood conference a few weeks back, I was just walking and happened upon this magical square of greatness, behold his finest tribute:

Impressed

2007-05-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home from work yesterday, I passed by a fresh looking Ford Mustang..........yes, please read that again........yep, I passed by a Ford Mustang. I do not like to drive very fast as some of you may know, and my 2001 Xterra just doesn't have the power to zoom past people, so a stereotype was broken yesterday. Up until then, I just assumed that all Mustang owners, male and female, were assholes. I don't think that there is a certain make or model of car that can so clearly describe the person who is driving it........some BMW drivers are assholes, but not all of them, some people who drive pick-up trucks are dicks, but not all of them, but up until yesterday, all Mustang owners were assholes.

Picture this: You're driving down a big4 lane highway, the windows are down, the sun is slowly setting, your favorite song just came on, and the bumps in the road have given you a gentle boner.....life is good indeed. You look up at your rearview mirror and notice 3 cars behind you, then back to the road.......few seconds later you look back and now there are 4 cars, and one of them is weaving in and out of the others without signaling.....before you know it, the car is barreling past you then moving immediately into your lane for no reason other then to be a dick.....fuck you Mustang, you may have a faster vehicle, but I got the gentle boner.

So, whoever you were driving that Mustang yesterday, thank you for reinforcing my faith in people, I never mind admitting when i am wrong, and when it comes to Mustang owners, well, I guess I my assumption was off the mark.

DEGOBAH!

our new home

2007-05-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

Shannon and I moved to Rancho Bernardo last month to a nice new 2 brdm/2bthrm condo.......way bigger then our last place. Shall we go on a bonerific tour?

We finally have a dishwasher, this gives me a major boner:
Here is my bathroom with a sweet fish-themed shower curtain:
Here is Shannon's bathroom, no bulges being born in that area........
Here is our guest bedroom, doesn't even give me goosebumps!!!!
Here is the master bedroom, lots of boners in there, hopefully all mine:
here is the pool, its right outside our door. Water doesn't give me a boner :-(
Ok, that's about it.

We moved, y'all

2007-05-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

sorry for the lack of updates, I was in a terrible state of laziness for the past few weeks after our move up to Rancho Bernardo.....the new place is amazing, will blog about that later. For now, I have to share an interesting photo of our old couch......we bought a new couch to go along with the new place, had the old gray couch ever since we moved to San Diego nearly 3 years ago, we bought it at Goodwill for about $60.......it was old and had hepatitis, but Lucy had grown rather fond of it. On the final day that we had the couch (I gave it away for free on craigslist, no way we could have sold it), Lucy had her final goodbyes/naps/spasms on the couch, and she left this interesting little surprise on the couch:
My sweet crazy dog, who incessantly licks herself all damn day, left a lick mark that amazingly resembled a heart! She may not know her name, and she may try to pee like a male dog, but damnit, she is an artist. The above photo is untouched, unlike my crotch, which is often touched, lovingly. Well, time to go have a cold Miller Lite and watch the horrible programming on CBS:

I don't want to say goodbye, but I have to....

2007-04-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

My sweet, sweet smiley hero, you were dismissed this past week much to the dismay of millions of fans.....I of course am talking about Sanjaya Malakhar, my one and only reason for tuning into American Idol each week. I am no talent scout, but I feel pretty confident that Sanjaya is a terrible singer, and just the simple fact that he made it this far is a testament to all the comedians/cynics of the world who wanted to the worst contestant to come out on top. Making it in the entertainment industry is long hard road, and way too often in the comedy world people with no talent make it big, such as Carlos Mencia, which leaves the rest of us scratching our heads and doubting our own abilities, so to see it happen in such a grand fashion, and have it be based (supposedly) on viewers votes was quite a spectacle. Howard Stern jumped on early and undoubtedly got the smiling crooner millions of votes, and being a Sirius subscriber and devout Howard listener, I had to help the cause, so for the first time in my life, I voted for a contestant on American Idol, and of course I was pulling for Sanjaya. I really thought that this was it, I thought that enough people had gotten behind the movement to give Hollywood a great big "Fuck You" by launching a talentless singer deep into your depths instead of you taking your pick of the litter, but no, there must be a lot of American Idol purists who took a stand and ousted my hero.

I have discussed this issue at great lengths with some people, a few of them feel like Sanjaya sticking around was robbing the other contestants of their shot at stardom, but I don't see it that way at all. Of the folks who were ousted before my sweet prince, if any of them were so great, they would not have gone home, regardless of all the press Sanjaya was getting for being so bad, their fans would have kept them in the contest. As for those that remain, they had good reason to be nervous, they were all more talented singers, but they did not have so many people in powerful roles in society pulling for them......all you need to succeed are a few well known people to endorse you, then all your flaws and shortcomings seem to disappear. I tuned into American Idol each week, I became a faithful viewer of the show, normally I would only watch the first few weeks when all the crazies audition. I looked forward to Sanjaya's performances so much, not for the hair, but for the laughs he would provide, he was sooo bad, but I just had to watch. I eagerly waited for the shows to end so I could cast my votes, I got sucked into the American Idol trap because there was finally someone I could get behind and support, but that all went away on Wednesday.........I doubt that I will watch the rest of the season, and I would never pay to go watch Sanjaya in concert, but if he ever wanted to get together to make some comedic shorts, I would ride his coattails like no other to fame. I speak for all of us when I say thank you Sanjaya, you were our rallying point, sorry for letting you down, but thanks for the memories.......I doubt this will be the last time that the "Vote For The Worst" movement surfaces, and I can't wait for the next one.

2007-04-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

This is one of the cutest things I have ever seen in my life. I wish that one of these was up in my roof rather then a treacherous and evil-minded raccoon.

2007-04-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

I am in no way a clean freak, but I do like to keep my hands clean, seeing as how they spend a good portion of my days either in my nose or in my mouth, I do my best to limit the amount of bacteria that can get into my body and possibly cause me to become less sexy. That being said, when you are in the act of washing your hands, is there a true way to tell that your hands are acceptably clean? I tend to scrub my hands until I have a nice foamy lather, usually takes 10-20 seconds to accomplish, but as many of you know, I have no concept of time, instead I just eyeball most things. Well, Shannon has opted to buy soaps that are turning out to be my mortal enemy.....from the initial look, everything seems normal, right:
But, after a few pumps we see the problem:

This soap comes out in rich, thick & foamy lather form! This has completely thrown off my hand-washing techniques, my timing is not what it used to be, instead of scrubbing for that 10-20 seconds, now I am tricked into thinking that my hands have already done their job thanks to all the lather, so I am rinsing my hands sooner then I should be, hence, my hands may not be as clean as I would like. Any of you who may come into contact with my hands, I implore you, STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!

Just kidding. I don't wash my hands.

Ever.

2007-04-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been trying for Shannon and I, we were displaced for a few days courtesy of an unwanted roommate. Such a fucking headache, but let me give you the rundown of what's been going on, along with some photos from my ongoing series, Things I Point At.

Shannon and I live in a small beach cottage in Ocean Beach, seen here:
We have lived here for over a year, I hate this place, its old and small. Well, we had heard some little footsteps right above our heads, never thought much of it, figured that it was a squirrel, and we only heard the scratching/footsteps late at night. Well 2 Sundays ago I was in our kitchen in the early evening when I heard some cracking, I turned and looked up at the ceiling and it was bowing severely, looked like it was going to break right before my eyes and whatever was up there was going to fall onto our kitchen table. I went next door to our neighbors yard to see if anything was visible, and I could see a large hole had been dug out in the roof, then while I was watching, the beast showed itself in all its arrogance, it was a raccoon, and a large one at that. He was popping his head in and out of the hole, taunting me, little bastard. I called a the Landlord, animal control, pest control, they all said there was nothing they could until the morning, and all advised us to not go back inside because if that villain were to fall thru the ceiling, he will be violent. We also were not allowed to leave out dog in there alone as we were horrified to learn that a 30 pound raccoon could easily kill a 50 pound dog like Lucy, pictured here:

So that first night we stayed at a Motel 6 with the expectation that the issue would be resolved the following day. On Monday I met with the pest control guy that our Landlord had sent over at 1pm, and as soon as he showed up I told him our situation and showed him the hole in the roof, he immediately said that the hole was certainly dug by a raccoon and that he only deals with smaller pests. I specifically told the landlord that I saw a raccoon, so they sent over a guy who doesn't deal with raccoons, genius. That night we had to board up our dog and stay with our friends Luke and Kathleen, thank goodness they were there to help us out.

The following day a man from critter control came over and said that he could go right in and get the sucker out of there, so we walked around looking for a crawlspace to the roof and learned that our shitty place doesn't have one, so all he could do was put a metal contraption over the hole that would allow the raccoon to exit but not get back in, he stuffed it with newspaper and told me that when we see the newspaper all pushed out, the raccoon has left. Here is the metal thingy:

What this meant was we had to spend the night elsewhere since that is when raccoons do their dirty jobs, and since this is the time of the year they give birth, once we knew it had left, one of us would have to spend the night in there and listen for babies up above, and possibly contend with 1 or 2 pissed of adult raccoons looking for a way back in. The following day the newspaper was still there, so we couldn't stay there yet another night, the day after we returned to see the newspaper pushed out, so here it was, judgement night. Shannon volunteered to stay with me, so we ordered pizza and watched TV and the entire time I had a baseball bat nearby, we kept quiet and walked on our tippy toes, I felt like Anne Frank, only waaaaaaaaaay different. At about 2am I heard some banging on the roof that quickly moved to our back porch, I turned on the lights and looked through the blinds to see this lazy bastard staring right back at me:
I couldn't point at him because as soon as I took this pic, another raccoon raced by the corner to my left so I quickly closed the door to keep these assholes out. They ended up getting into a fight, but they have kept showing back up on random nights, banging the roof and the doors, now I know how the Corey's felt in "The Lost Boys" when they were anticipating that vampire attack at the house, it's like you know the danger is coming, you can't stop it, you can only brace yourself and hope that Kiefer Sutherland doesn't eat your neck.

Sooo, we have opted to move and we were fortunate enough to find this great 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo up in Rancho Bernardo, all new appliances, great community, and I guarantee they don't have a raccoon infestation like we do. Farewell Ocean Beach, I will miss you. And as for you raccoons, I hate you all, please stay away from me and everyone I know. Assholes.

2007-03-23T01:20:00.000-07:00

Oops, I almost forgot to post this fun little video of a Bill Cosby bit being regurgitated 20 years later by a guy who has risen to fame on other's art. Enjoy, and help me spread the word about Carlos Menstealia, this guy is a full-time hack who makes a struggling funny man like me sick to my stomach. Watch this video and let it be the last time that you ever pay this asshole any attention:

Carlos Mencia Stealing Jokes From Cosby - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

2007-03-23T01:03:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the delay between posts, life has been rather hectic for me lately due to an unwanted guest in my home, rather, on top of my home. I will blog about that sometime this weekend, I promise.

As for now, I feel the need to discuss a phrase that bothers me the more I hear it and must be stopped. You usually hear this term when you are talking to someone on the phone and you are saying goodbye. I don't know if this is a fad that has been around for a few years, or one that is here to stay, but it annoys me each and every time I hear it. When you are getting off the phone and saying your goodbyes, and the person on the other end says "Late". Obviously this is a shortened version of "Later", but why does it need to be shortened, you are only saving yourself one letter and barely a syllable. Is it supposed to be cool and hip, is it meant to be sly and groundbreaking? Why not just say "Later", or "Goodbye", why "Late"? Does this endearing term mean that I am late for something, or are you trying to secretly tell me that you or a loved one is pregnant? If these are the reasons why, then I have lost all faith in our dismal communication skills.........please stop saying "Late", and if you know someone who uses this word as their goodbye, then punch them in the mouth the next time you see them, or point out their retardedness, and then kidnap their family and vow to not give them up until they retire this dumb word from their vocabulary. I am tired, time to get some sleep, Late.....

2007-03-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry for all the videos folks, been super busy, being poor is a full-time job.

Watch this video......it's the most important piece of art I have ever seen:

2007-03-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

Someone stole my idea. Many of you may already know that I absolutely HATE squirrel's, I always have, and I always will. Before heading up to Syracuse, NY for college, I never knew the true meaning of evil: black squirrels. Most of you may not even know that black squirrels exist, but they do, and they are the spawn of Satan, twisted and evil, pure evil.

I don't mind Chipmunks, FYI.

2007-03-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

I need to tell you all about the greatest thing these eyes have ever seen, a new game taking the country by storm............Ranger, Poacher, Bear. It's sort of like rock, paper, scissors, only not gay, and retarded children can't partake in all the fun........FINALLY, we have something we can call our own! In short, Ranger beats Poacher, Poacher beats Bear and Bear beats Ranger, you start off with your backs to one another, then you leap around to face each other, sort of like an old timey duel, but no one gets killed here, and you don't have to call your pants "britches". Watch this short video below to get a better understanding of the best thing America has produced since Soy Milk:

Ranger, Poacher, Bear, Cruise style.

Add to My Profile | More Videos

2007-03-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have changed the URL from:

laxinonli

To:

liamber

I hope you all don't hate me now.......

2007-02-27T15:01:00.000-08:00

I call this story.......Boner Nightmare

Seriously, if you are easily grossed out, do yourself a favor and close this right now.

If you are at work, you may want to close this now as well, nothing is overly graphic, but still, don't want to offend your co-workers.

This story is all real, and the pictures are part of a new series of photos I will be posting on my real deal blog called "Things I point at". Pictures always make a story more understandable as it gives you a reference point, pointing at things in those pictures makes it funny.

Ok, well, Sunday night Shannon and I were sitting at home watching a movie, nothing of note, we were both a bit tired from the weekend. I was sitting on our big brown leather armchair, Shannon and the dog were sprawled out on the couch, I had on a big, baggy pair of sweatpants. I felt something itchy on my tallywacker(Kermit):

So I reached down and scratched it, no big deal. Well, a few seconds later, I felt like I was sitting in a pot of warm milk, something just didn't feel right, so I got up and walked to the sink in the bathroom:

and I decided to take a look at what was happening in my pants.....so I pulled my sweats down, and much to amazement, there was blood everywhere. At first I was ecstatic, I was no longer a little girl, I was now a woman. Then I remembered that I am not supposed to bleed from my Jen E. Tuls, and blood was literally pouring out of me at an uncanny rate. I asked Shannon to bring me some paper towels, I ran the faucet and washed off Kermit and covered him in paper towels until he stopped bleeding. After about 2 minutes, the "incident of '07" was over, I was no longer bleeding, I never even felt any pain....I simply cut Kermit open when I scratched him earlier. So let this be a lesson kids, keep your hands out of your pants, FOREVER.

I tried rinsing my boxer briefs in cold water shortly after drenching them in blood, and even after a good 5 minute rinse, it still looked pretty gross:

cover your eyes...............

And yes, your eyes aren't fooling you. Our toilet is a "TOTO" brand toilet. Only the best.

2007-02-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

Oh, and another thing, I need you all to look at this picture and embrace it. I don't have any kids, but if/when I do, I want him/her to be JUST like this kid.

I heart laughing. This picture made me laugh. If my future children don't make me laugh, I will not heart them. I have superior logic and negotiating skills.

2007-02-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

I like making a difference, big or small, it feels good to leave your mark on something or someone. I also like taking shortcuts whenever possible, as long as the end result doesn't suffer. I have decided to put my mark on the English language for good with a worldchanging shortcut. Prepare yourself.....

Instead of using the phrase:

"Can I go" or "Could I go"

Allow me to introduce you to the new way of saying these phrases:

"Kigo"

Say the first 2 phrases out loud, the way you normally would, then say "Kigo". It's the exact same. I have made history. I am going to make millions.

2007-02-23T14:20:00.000-08:00

I was IM'ing with my neighbor at work the other day, she sits right across from me. I would much rather she just speak up and talk to me, but whatever, I understand keeping the noise levels in an office to a minimum. Well, she asked me something, and I answered it, then she replied:

LOL

I immediately looked over and she wasn't laughing, or even smiling. If she had laughed out loud, I would have heard it, but nothing, not even a peep, so she had clearly lied to me. There is no reason why she would have laughed in the first place, as my reply was not intended to be funny, and I don't see how it could have been taken in a funny way.

She asked a question, I answered it. Don't feel obliged to follow up with LOL, unless you really are laughing out loud. If I say something that is funny and makes you laugh, but not out loud, why not instead type:

LOI or LOTI (laughing on the inside)

Don't fucking patronize me.

now watch this video of some guy who can't get enough of the "Man on The Street" segments from People's Court

2007-02-21T23:51:00.000-08:00

On one of my trips to the bathroom today at work, I saw a guy exit hastily out of one of the offices in the corridor between my office and the restroom. He came out on fire, made a quick right and marched down to the bathroom, the entire time he was looking down and his right arm never fully swayed back, so I assumed he was looking at his cell phone. As we got closer to the bathroom, he put the phone up to his ear and began a loud conversation about Lord knows what, then he made the turn into the bathroom a good 15 paces in front of me. When I got into the bathroom, he was at the first urinal, which is child-sized, soooo low to the ground. I caught my first glimpse of this man on the go, he had a trimmed beard and sunglasses on. Again, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, such a tacky thing in my mind. So I walked around him to the other urinal and unzipped, he then gave me a real quick glimpse and moved in even closer to the mini-urinal, so close that he must have been spraying himself. All the while he was talking on his cell phone real loud about something that just could not wait a few minutes. He then finished up, zipped up, stepped away from the urinal and walked out of the bathroom......I then started analyzing this guy and how much of a weenie he is/was. He did the whole "I'm important, that's why they're calling me" cell phone spiel even in the bathroom, he dry-humped the urinal because part of him felt that I was there for some action rather then handling my business, then he left without even rinsing off his hands let alone wash them. He did all of this while wearing a cheesy pair of sunglasses indoors. God help the people who are close to him if there are any, because you folks have opened your hearts up to a real asshole.

2007-02-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

I forgot to bring my mouse for my laptop home this past weekend, I figured that it wouldn't be a big deal, boy was I wrong. Using the touch pad on my laptop is cumbersome and inaccurate, and I have been on my computer a lot this weekend so it's been a real pain in the ass. I have been doing a lot of cutting and pasting, using just the touch pad has proved that my fingers all have a mind of their own and prefer to work as individuals. I have been considering trying out my toes, but I am not flexible enough to scroll with my toes and type with my outlaw fingers. I miss my mouse, I can't wait until we are reunited tomorrow morning.

2007-02-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

Since Anna Nicole Smith passed away, there has been a mad rush to see who the next one will be who dies of an apparent overdose. Both Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are the frontrunners, as dumb as these 2 may seem, they do appreciate the rule that "Celebrities always die in 3's", and since Anna Nicole Smith died, I think 2 old time college football coaches are the only people of note who died as well, and in Hollywood's eyes, that just doesn't cut it. Within the past 2 days, Britney checked herself into rehab, then left like 2 minutes later, shaved her head, got a fresh tattoo and according to Perez Hilton, checked herself into a hospital. Lindsay has been going to rehab during the day, then going out partying with her mother in the evenings. I can't stand either one of them, but I can't shy away from the sheer comedic genius that their lives are following. I might as well make predictions for the weekend.

Lindsay will be seen canoodling with K-Fed, then her mom will steal him away and Lindsay will go on a rampage, get really drunk and get behind the wheel. She will end up crashing into Billy Joel's house in Malibu, and Billy will end up impregnating her in the same night.

Britney will finally reveal that she is actually a man, and that is why she shaved her head, to finally let the world know her terrible secret. Justin Timberlake will have no other option but to admit he knew all along, hence admitting that he is gay. Britney will accidentally try to snort her babies, since the world now knows that they were adopted, and the force of her snorting will cause her testicles to finally drop.

2007-02-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

I had to show you all what the hell I was talking about at my office, I talked about it yesterday, the faucet extends beyond the sink, and that is moronic. Here are some photos.....I felt like pointing to the faucet itself, then pointing to the counter......then to prove it all, I put a cup on the counter and filled it up, that's the last picture.

The sink is confusing, and we need paper towels.

2007-02-15T12:09:00.000-08:00

I work in an office.

Within the office, there is a kitchen.

The kitchen has a sink.

The faucet, when pushed fully to the side, extends beyond the sink itself, onto the counter.

This morning I had to use the sink.

I turned the water on.

The faucet was positioned over the counter rather then the sink.

Water went all over the counter.

The sink is retarded.

2007-02-12T17:35:00.000-08:00

Perez Hilton put up some possibly photoshopped pictures of actress Bai Ling's nipple, and I commented that it looked like a Panda's asshole.......apparently Panda humor is way off limits this year, as there were some disgruntled responses mixed among some laughs. I wish people would tell me what is ok to joke about, and what is off limits. I also hope that the people who thought I was serious are infertile, or Canadian, or sleeptyping.....either way, we don't need any more dumb Americans being born.

I have no idea what a Panda's asshole looks like, but I bet it's adorable and huggable.

2007-02-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

Shannon and I went to the Nick Swardson show at Spreckels Theater last night and had a great time. I was not able to get a hold of my buddy before or after the show, and it was all probably for the better, I don't have money to spend at the dollar store, let alone the bars downtown, but it would have been nice to meet up for a drink. Nick was hilarious as usual, as were his opening acts of Owen Benjamin, Dixon Matthews and Jordy Fox but it left me wanting more.....His set was only about 35-45 minutes long, and at least half of it was material from his 2 Comedy Central Specials....one of the pitfalls of following stand-up comedy as closely as I do is that you see the same material over and over again from your favorite comedians, as I cant attest, coming up with new material is very difficult and has to be tried and tested over and over again. The new stuff was hilarious, but I thought there would be more of it; Nick Swardson is no slouch in the comedy world, but when you are going on tour, performing in front of people who have seen all of your televised work, I hope that you would be giving them material that is new to them, not jokes that they could get up on-stage and tell themselves because they already know them.

2007-02-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

Shannon and I are going to see Nick Swardson downtown tonight, he is one of my favorite comedians. I am sure that the show is going to be hilarious, and it just may be the boost that I need to reassert myself in the comedy world.......comedy writing is my passion and I think its my biggest strength, but stand-up is a great segway into comedy writing and I haven't gotten up on stage for a while. Live comedy, nothing is better in my mind.....

2007-02-09T15:59:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY FUNDAY(MOVIE DAY):

WATCH AS THIS EMPLOYEE FLIPS OUT AND ATTACKS HIS CO-WORKER.

2007-02-09T12:21:00.000-08:00

It bothers me how much coverage her death is getting......cnn.com has had her picture plastered on their front page for the past 24 hours, enough is enough. When Gerald Ford passed a few months back, it grabbed the headlines for about an hour, James Brown and his crazy wife were in the spotlight for a few minutes, the Godfather of Soul, and he is outshined by A.N.S. Richard Pryor, my idol, passed away on December 10, 2005, and there is a good chance that most of you reading this right now either have no clue who he is, or didn't even know that he was dead. I guess the argument can be made that A.N.S.'s death was so untimely, her life was so tragic, but she was a drug addict, drug addicts overdose and die, that's why drugs are bad, so when someone dies from drugs, it really shouldn't be unexpected. The overall feeling I am getting from the media and people I have spoken to is that her death is shocking, but not surprising..........if that's the case, then why publicize it so damn much? Eh, Nick Swardson show tomorrow, ya'll dont know.

2007-02-08T13:36:00.000-08:00

ANNA NICOLE SMITH.....1967-2007

Anna Nicole Smith was the centerfold in the very first issue of Playboy that I received thanks to a subscription my older brother got me when I was 13. She will always have a special place in my heart.......

2007-02-07T13:37:00.001-08:00

Shannon and I live in a small little cottage, sandwiched between a single mother and her 16 year old son, and a 40 something woman who is fucking nuts. The woman in front is possibly the most attractive mother I have ever seen in my life, seriously, she is hotter than pretty much any other woman that I ever come across. She works as a Nurse, has her hands full with a dirtbag of a 16 year old, and she makes it all work. The lady behind us is the complete opposite, she doesn't work, doesnt have a drivers license let alone a car, she smokes pot like the worlds supply is quickly running out, she constantly has these homeless hippies come and stay with her........but the worst thing of all, she is addicted to doing her laundry. Yeah, it's odd, but she does laundry at least 5 times a week, and when she does it, its an all day affair. There have been times that I have left for work at 8:30 and the machines were already buzzing, then come home at 7 and the machines are still humming along. Shannon and I share the washer and dryer with her in our little complex, the woman in front has her own machine, and it's mind boggling that a 40 something unemployed childless woman does more laundry than the 2 of us. Just last night Shannon needed to do her laundry, and of course both machines were occupied when she got home at 5, so she waited until about 8 to go and check them out, still both machines were in use, think it would be any different at 10? Nope!

At least if we shared the machines with the hot mom in front, there would be that glimmer of hope that she would leave her underwear in there sometime.....

2007-02-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

So I am going to roll out a new format beginning next week, to touch on topics that both interest me and will interest all of you as well, hopefully. Starting next week I will be posting 3 times per week at least, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Mondays will be weekend revelations and perspectives, Wednesdays I will devote to badmouthing TV/Movies, and Friday I will simply post a funny video that I find on youtube or ifilm. Is that too ridged or what? Eh, I dont care, it works for me.

2007-02-01T00:36:00.000-08:00

I finally saw Windy City Heat, and I don't know what to think right now. The entire time I was watching it, I just assumed that it was a set-up, a long winded joke amongst pals sprung on us the viewers, but the extra features said otherwise, so I decided to research it a bit online, and there are varying opinions everywhere I turn, but no hard facts. If this movie was all a set-up, well, you didn't fool me and you made on ok movie that has left many scratching their heads. If this really was a practical joke played on one (stupid, no, retarded) man, holy shit, you guys are borderline psycho for taking 7 years of constant leg pulling just to make a 90 minute movie, and you are comedic genuises. Has anyone else seen this movie? If so, I would love to hear what you think this was; an elaborate joke meant to confuse the viewers, or a painstakingly well planned, well acted out joke on the star of the film.

2007-01-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

without netflix, my weekends for the past few months would have been rather drab. I got a netflix subscription as a gift, since I don't have any money, it has turned into my savior......this past weekend, my fiancée and I got 'The Break Up' with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston......the title alone shyed me away from selecting this one, but Shannon really wanted to see it so who am I to say no. Well, for anyone who has not seen this movie, save yourself the torture..........yeah, you get to see Aniston's bare (blurry) ass for about 5 seconds, that is the ONLY decent part in this entire movie. This is one of those films where you wonder who thought up the storyline, because if you ever run across that person in your travels, you should hit them and run, run for the fucking hills my friends. I can distinctly remember 5 different times where I wanted to commit suicide while watching this film, there may have been more times but I was probably too busy trying to cut my own eyeballs out. This wasn't even a good chick flick, as my chick repeatedly told me how badly it sucked......but don;t worry netflix, I still love you, it's not your fault. I hope we have a better time next weekend netflix, you haven't let me down like this before, I know you didn't mean anything by it.

2007-01-18T14:18:00.000-08:00

I recently was browsing around on my younger cousins myspace page, and I noticed an overwhelming trend: teen girls are really dumb, and total whores. These girls all had incredibly slutty pictures posted on their profiles of them in their underwear, bikinis, boy shorts etc., probably not realizing that there are a bunch of guys like my top friends who scour the site looking for a cheap thrill. Well, I discussed with my good friend and co-worker, Jed S, the need for a site where these pervs could go and ogle over the whorish, naïve 16 year olds without spending a lot of time searching for them, all while these girls continue to satisfy their urge to appear as slutty as possible to gain acceptance from strangers they will never meet. The end product:

www.bonerspace.sock

We don't have the domain name registered yet, we have no business plan, no investors, no office…….but already we have the attention of 2 of the largest populations on the internet today: perverts, and dumb slutty teen girls.

2007-01-14T21:26:00.000-08:00

With the College Bowl season now history, and the nation in the midst of an exciting NFL Playoff series, there is only one thing that has managed to capture my imagination: The People's Choice Awards. Yes, the height of the Football season coincides with the P.C.A.'s, and I unfortunately saw some of it last week. These awards are supposedly voted on by the people, but I have no idea who these people are. Are there ballots handed out that I am just missing? I am assuming that the ballots are stuffed into drone magazines like People and US Weekly, and the morons reading that filth are attractive housewives and teenage girls, hardly a decent representation of the country. I probably would not vote if given the chance since I am so against entertainment industry awards in the first place, but it would be nice to at least have that option. The winners are never the most talented, but rather the most attractive, or the one who has been in the crosshairs of the papparazzi the most, and they should not be proud of winning since their supporters don't have a lick of intelligence.

I really appreciate the way the show presents "the people" during the broadcast. They have these pits near the stage, where "the people" hoot and holler as Hollywood's biggest stars come to the stage to accept an award or present one. I have a friend who is an aspiring actor in LA, and he was one of "the people", basically he was contacted through central casting 3 days before the taping, and he was paid $80 to be in that pit with a bunch of other young, attractive actors......so even "the people" were fixed, Hollywood didn't even bother to get actual voters, they instead opted to hire unknown actors to play the part of people who gave a shit. At least the pit people got some decent crotch shots of the short-skirted women who went up on stage, although they only need to log onto perezhilton.com to get the same effect. Hooray for Hollywood!!!!

2007-01-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay, I know you all have been curious about the amazing animal that I thought up a few weeks back.....Christmas and New years reared their joyous selves again so time has been tight. Anyhoo, back to the awesome animal........are you ready for this? A Whalraffe! Indeed, a cross between a Whale and a Giraffe, the 2 most dangerous animals on the planet. Yeah, let that sink in for a minute.

I left Science a voicemail and I text messaged him like 6 times, no word back, but if anyone can make this glorious creature come to life, it's him. Now you may be wondering how these 2 very different creatures can become one, and no, there will be no extracting of egg and sperm; these 2 creatures are gonna make a baby the old fashioned way. Now, if memory serves me right, Gray Whales have pretty powerful legs for walking, which means they can come onto land to mate with a Giraffe because let's be honest, expecting a feeble minded Giraffe to swim is pretty ridiculous. So our soon-to-be-famous creatures will need a hotel room with a large bed, a Best Western should do, they have fair very reasonable room rates and they are sparsely furnished, so chances are if anything in the room breaks, it won't cost a lot. When I think of macho, the first thing that pops into my head are Giraffes, so clearly we would have the male of this twosome be the Giraffe. According to the rules of attraction, 2 beings not meant for one another will eventually have sex if let along long enough, so once we get the 2 test subjects in the hotel room, it will only be a matter of time before they are having sexy unprotected sexy sex, and there you have it, the birth of the greatest creature ever to roam planet Earth. The Whalraffe will be the big draw at zoo's AND aquariums around the globe, as this magnificent beast can pull dual-duty at both, maybe spend the mornings at the zoo, then cruise on over to the aquarium for the afternoons, whatever works best. The thing with Whalraffes is that they will be both gentle and dangerous, crushing land dwellers and anything in a tree. If anyone has a conceptual sketch of a Whalraffe, please feel free to send it to me, as my art skills are lacking due to all the creativeness boiling inside me.

2006-12-21T00:28:00.000-08:00

Just a few more days before my big trip back to NY so I have been taking it easy, throwing on my sweats after work, plopping down on the couch with my girl and my dog and watching the happiness that is High Definition Television. My weeknights are usually hectic so as of late, I have been neglecting my television and overpriced cable, but not this week, this week we are getting back in touch. Well, much to my dismay, a new show has come out called 'Identity', it's another one of these NBC gameshows with freakishly happy (and often times flamingly gay) contestants, an old, washed up host, a premise that a 7 year old could have come up with, and uncomfortably long waits between the question/task and the answer......and of course they have those terrible "Let's see if you're right..............after this commercial break" segments. Well, this new show may possibly take the cake in terms of retardedness, if you don't know what it's about, let me sum it up for you: The contestant is alone on a stage with Penn Gillette, they have their little family/support group off to the side, and in front of them are 12 people and 12 identities, and they have to pair them up correctly, for example if one of the identities is dogwalker, you have to guess which person is actually the dogwalker, get it? First and foremost, they should call this game stereotype, because that's what they are picking on. One of the identities tonight was 'Worth Over 100 Million Dollars', which I viewed as 'Which One Of These Strangers Is A Smug Asshole And A Genuinely Terrible Person Who Doesn't Give A Fuck About You'. Who cheats on their spouse, who is a recovering alcoholic, who recently had a moustache, these would be interesting things to identify, not guess which person is a blackjack dealer when there is one person wearing a blackjack dealers uniform. This game just plays off people's perceptions of what someone who is identified as something should look like, nothing more. This game doesn't require any intelligence or skill, all you need to have in order to be a contestant is the gift of sight, presumably be over the age of 18 and as I mentioned before, the gayer you are the better! I am waiting for the parody on this which hopefully will come out on SNL this weekend, the strangers would be a black person, an asian, an eskimo in full garb, a devout hasidic jew, an equally devout sikh, a one-armed man, a one-legged woman, a quadriplegic, an emo kid, Manute Bol, a person on a respirator and a newborn baby. Their identities would be exactly as I just described them, and the contestants would get them all wrong. That would make me laugh, so get on it SNL.

I like gameshows that require some intelligence or skill(s) in order to win. I will watch Jeopardy because for one, you have to be smart and two, you must be able to press your buzzer quickly with your thumb. I could never be on Jeopardy because I am not smart enough and my thumbs have a mind of their own, they never cooperate when I need them to. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is another decent one, although I haven't seen it in years, that game also required some intelligence once you got past the 4th question, you had to deal with Regis Philbin sitting across from you and those horrible lights on the set that have been known to cause seizures in Llama's, you also had to have a real grasp on who you are and what you were willing to risk, one wrong answer and you could have been out of a lot of scratch. The comes along this Deal Or No Deal bullshit with Howie "Condom Head" Mandell, where you pick numbered briefcases for some dipshit models to open and reveal the dollar amount velcroed inside, which is an amount that is then out of play so you won't leave with that much mula, then some shadow known as the banker tries to buy the initial case that you picked that hasn't been opened yet for as little money as possible......blah blah blah, no skill involved there. Fuck, you don't even have to have your vision to play this game, you just have to be able to count to thirty and not touch Howie because he is a big-time germophobe, but yet again, it will help if you are "Liberace's toilet" gay.

Japan, India and China are all kicking America's ass when it comes to producing smart kids, and since TV is the second or third parent to many of our kids today, why not put on something that can teach them something? I am 28 and educated, yet I can't answer more than half of the questions on Jeopardy, but every single time that I watch it I soak up some of the information revealed and learn a few mundane facts. This sure beats playing up to stereotypes and picking a bunch of numbered shiny briefcases at random, don't you think?

2006-12-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

Dont have a lot of time, but this video is hilarious, well done Bum Fights guy:

2006-12-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, the best day of the week. Many great things have happened on Tuesdays, for example: Earth was created on a Tuesday, those pesky dinosaurs were all executed on a Tuesday, Abe Lincoln got his first high-five on a Tuesday, and my dear old Uncle Gerard stole my innocence and childhood from me on a Thursday, which is the exact opposite of a Tuesday! So yeah, I was pretty pumped when I woke up yesterday, then I accidentally fell back asleep and dreamt about the terrible things my Uncle Gerard did to me........then I woke up again and headed off to work. Work was like any other day, anyone who has ever worked for a startup web company knows the drill, no day is ever the same which is rather refreshing.

Ok, now here is where I start to tell you about how awesome my Tuesday was. I am going to start explaining it now. Here it comes. So I left the office a little before 7PM last night and made my way home to Ocean Beach, and while heading south on Sunset Cliffs, I notice a glaring light from coming from the hill. My initial reaction was the usual, I figured that Mulder and Skully would be there shortly to clean up the mess the Space Aliens had left, then the Fresh Prince would show up and erase my memory. Then it hit me, since I had seen practically every episode of the X-Files and had seen parts of all the Men In Black movies, I was an expert at handling Space Aliens, so I decided to check out what was going on. As I drove up the hill towards an interstellar galactic universal milky way aplha centauri battle, I saw dozens of people standing around with clip boards, and a ton of television screens. I got up good and close and asked an Alien cleverly disguised as an attractive Earth Human Female what was going on, turns out they were filming scenes for a show called Veronica Mars. I thought about taking the fugitive planet-jumper into my custody, as Veronica Mars is clearly code for 'Operation Earth Takeover', but I decided to drive on, then I saw some people wearing jackets with "The CW" on it, and then I realized that they were filming a television show. Veronica Mars....I had never heard of it before, but I asked around and the response I got was astounding: it sucks! So yeah, stay off my block Veronica Mars, and take your crappy network with you but please, please I beg of you, leave behind The Gilmore Girls.....they are the barometer of life by which I go by.

I also thought up the best animal of all time. I am not going to tell you about it right now, but let's just say its better then you and me combined. I have to call my good friend Science and tell him all about it first, but stay tuned, more to follow.

2006-12-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

Wow. That was all I could say when I read the headlines on cnn.com this morning, one of the leading stories was about Nicole Richie getting a DUI.......This is considered news these days? How are these 'journalists' staying afloat, and why on earth are we interested in this kind of crap? She is an anorexic, no-talent, recovering heroine addict whose claim to fame is having been adopted by Lionel Richie, and she is a top story on cnn.com? Could it be that we are all so cynical that we love to see people fall from grace, because if that's the case, she never was 'on grace', so she couldn't have fallen that far. This girl is worth more then I will probably ever see and has done nothing to earn any of it except allow the media to glamorize her wealth and social status, she is an idiot for getting too fucked up to drive, shit, she was driving the wrong way on a major highway, and we feed into all the bullshit and broadcast this to the world.....so sad, so damn sad. I hate to even mention her here but I have to, because it bothers me so much that we accept this as news. This isn't news, it's a dumb rich girl being dumb and rich, that is her job, and all this coverage pays her well. Real news would be if a 4 year-old was found driving his pregnant mother to the hospital to give birth and was pulled over going the wrong way on a highway, that kid would be a hero, that's a story I would read from start to finish. Reading about Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton dampens my spirits because they have never done anything but be born, that is their greatest accomplishment to date and probably will be for a long time........Our media is way too concerned about this kind of crap but we keep taking it, keep buying these gossip magazines and visiting these awful celebrity news sites, we are encouraging these 'journalists' to keep reporting on mundane shit, and we are also encouraging these idiot socialites to keep acting careless because as long as their name is in the headlines, we will keep reading it. I consider myself a creative person, I work hard to make a living, I eventually want success in the entertainment industry, but how much press will my efforts receive when a great big project showcasing my talent is about to come out, and instead of concentrating on my hard work the newspapers decide to report on Lindsay Lohan's personal vendetta against wearing undies. It takes the fun out of being creative knowing that the idiots in Hollywood would garner all the attention that should be directed towards something more fulfilling.

I guess this is why I also hate awards shows, or as they should be called, "Congratulations, If You Are Here Then You're Rich And Successful, Now Let's Eat Up Some Valuable Television Time And All Pat Each Other On The Back While The Common Folk Watch From Their Homes"......Seriously, if there was an awards show for the best garbageman in Topeka, Kansas, or the best electrician in Bangor, Maine, I would probably watch that. Unlike reality television, that would be unscripted, it would be raw, real people who excel at what they do and never expect any accolades for it. Those are my people, the blue collar, hardworking folks that this Country is built upon, and I would support them any way that I could.

Nicole Fucking Richie, please eat a cheeseburger and go away, I am sick of you!

2006-12-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

This is going to be the funniest blog on the internet. Yeah, read that first sentence again, it's a promise I have made to myself and I stand by it. Just wait and I won't dissapoint.